A Poem for My Anti-Crush

you are my anti
you are football pick-up truck preppy
silent golden boy
who is everything
every word every molecule every heartbeat
that I have never wanted

though I know deepest down
that you don’t even know
I’m alive
have never acknowledged
my subtle creepy chick in the corner
existence
I feel like you’re watching
and I step up my game

I become more than I am
I become
short skirt hyper punk big eyes red lipstick girl
because then maybe
you’ll look over and notice
the girl who is everything you’ve never had
and maybe that thought will taste good
in your perfect mouth

in my daydreams we become
anti-us
and drift together in a place where
that all doesn’t matter
we just are
and we love it