Untitled.

I lust after the way you
include all the same smileys that he uses
into the comments you leave me.
The way you hold cigarettes in your hands.
I find pleasure and safety
in lying under tables telling you secrets
jokes, and stories.

Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.
Maybe the hard-to-breathe feeling means
that finally finally finally finally
someone likes me back.
But for you and I
the road to possibilities is littered
with the sharp broken pieces of relationships
gone bad, or simply faded.
And I have no need to scar my flesh today.

I lose myself in your careless smile.
The lyrics of a song we both love.
And then I stand,
and hug you one last time.
Pretend it doesn’t hurt like it always does.

When I turn back, on the stairway
you are bent over the cigarette and lighter
in your hand.
Glancing up, I see the distance in your eyes
and know that we know
this is all what it needs to be.
But all I can think about is how much I wish
a good bye kiss wasn’t so out of the question.

It Was Better Without The Lipstick

take my hand, boy
i will lead you away
from the voices that
taunt and tease

i will lead you
with my feminine wiles
(unused for so long)
and show you
the ways in which it would be
so much easier
if i was by your side

lipstick
and black & white photographs
stolen kisses
and lose yourself in my eyes, darling

it was simple when we
were but little children

when i was
nearly
almost
as much of a boy as you
but now we are words
like
man &
woman &
sex

adulthood
creeps in
in the dark of night
leaving
uncertainty
depression
and lust
in it’s wake